Eventually, though, I did come across several noteworthy items. Quite a few big ones, too. So I won't waste anymore time and get right to it.
DEU 9:4 Here we are given a justification for why Israel is allowed to conquer people, kill them, and take their land. It is not because the Israelites are righteous but rather "it is because of the wickedness of these nations that the Lord is driving them out before you." Even if they were an incredibly wicked people, I don't see how that justifies the killing of children. However, for the sake of argument, let's say there were some evil behavior that did justify killing every single person in these cities (and apparently it can be something as simple as not letting the Israelites pass through their city). The problem is that we don't know if they really were practicing this behavior because there's no one left to stand up in their defense. They're all dead. It's shoot first and ask questions later in God country.
DEU 12:31 God hates it when people sacrifice their children to other gods by burning them in fire. Right on! I agree! That is pretty bad.
DEU 13:6-10 God wants you to stone your children to death if they even try to get you to serve another god. Yeah! That's what I'm-wait what? Sacrificing children in fire is not OK but stoning them to death is?
DEU 14:18 Bats still aren't birds.
DEU 14:21 Here is a repeat of the ban on boiling a young goat in its mother's milk. Which I didn't understand when I first came across it but I recently heard an explanation from a Rabbi. It turns out that it was a law meant to show kindness towards the animals. As he put it, imagine a mother goat is walking through your camp and sees you cooking her baby goat in her own milk. She'd be pretty angry, don't you think!? So you see, this was meant as a way to be nice to the animals. Or, at the very least, the goats. After hearing the Rabbi say this and then reading this law a second time, I still don't understand it. I mean, why focus on just the goats? It doesn't make any sense.
DEU 15:7-8 Help out a poor man, whatever his need may be. Unless he needs health insurance. Then the right thing to do is make sure the rest of the country isn't paying for his lazy ass to get sick. Am I right, people!?!
DEU 18:10-14 "There shall not be found among you anyone who burns his son or his daughter as an offering...the Lord your God has not allowed you to do this." That's right! You're only allowed to stone them to death. Like if your son is being rebellious. I can see it now...
Israelite Father: "Arrrgghh!! My lousy son won't listen to me! He's stubborn and he drinks and he eats a lot of food! I have half a mind to sacrifice him in a fire to the gods!"Israelite Father's Neighbor: "Heeeeeyyyy, whoa now! That's not cool, dude. Seriously. Sacrificing him in a fire to the gods? We're not animals. Now take this stone and be the first to throw it at your son like a good Israelite Father."Israelite Father: *throws rock*Israelite Son: "Ow! Son of a bitch!"Israelite Father's Neighbor: "OK! Me next!!!"
DEU 20:10-14 If you approach a city to fight them but then offer peace and they don't accept it, THEN you're allowed to spare the women and children. But only as a plunder for yourselves. It's only when the Lord is giving you the city as an inheritance that you kill everyone in it. Or, you know, if they won't let you pass through because the Lord hardened their heart. Oh, but don't cut down the trees. That's just wrong. The trees aren't human, dummy!
DEU 22:21 Having sex in your father's house? That's a stoning!
DEU 22:23-24 Didn't cry out for help in the city when a man had sex with you even though you're engaged to be married? That's a stoning! Because rapists never tell their victims not to yell.
DEU 22:25-27 Did you rape a young woman engaged to be married out in the woods? That's a stoning! Because young women have never made false accusations of rape.
DEU 22:28-29 Did you rape a young woman who wasn't engaged to get married? Oh you better believe that's a stoni-whoops!! Just kidding! You have to pay her father off and then marry her. So there's some incentive there to rape the hot chick that turned you down a week ago.
DEU 23:9,12-14 This link actually goes to The Brick Testament because I think they handle this passage the best.
DEU 23:24-25 Come on down to God's All-You-Can-Eat Buffet!!
DEU 24:1-3 Apparently they had certificates of divorce despite not having certificates of marriage (as far as I can tell). I think it's because it's obvious when a woman is with a man since you would see them living together. But in a tribe of at least 600,000 people you can't easily tell if that woman you saw living with a guy last month, that is now flirting with you, is single. You might ask, "Hey, uh, you're nice and all but aren't you with that one guy I saw you with last month?" Then she can say, "Nope! Certificate! Check it out!"
DEU 24:16 "Fathers shall not be put to death because of their children, nor shall children be put to death because of their fathers. Each one shall be put to death for his own sin." Unless they're from a wicked city. Then kill them all!!!!!
DEU 28:1-14 The first 14 verses of chapter 28 talk about how wonderful things will be for you if you follow the law. Then the next 54 verses are all about the terrible things that will happen to you if you don't follow all of the commandments. And it says that "all these curses shall come upon you and overtake you."
So, for example, if you didn't stone your children for asking you to worship another god, then they'll be given to someone else. Perhaps they'll stone them for you. No, sorry. They'll go into captivity. And yet somehow you'll also eat your children. So maybe they're given to the local deli? Well, either way, that's what you get for not stoning them to death. Serves you right!
But wait, not only will you eat your children, but the most tender and refined man and woman will eat their children too! And to add insult to injury, he won't share!!
I mean, I guess I'd rather stone my child to death than eat them, but you'll eat your kids even if you broke a different commandment. If you boiled a young goat in its mother's milk, for instance, you'll end up eating your kids. Did you eat a bat? Then you might as well have it with a side of daughter. Neglect to stone that guy you caught picking up sticks on the Sabbath? Break out the fine china! You're having your son for dinner! Did you hesitate when you were supposed to kill a little kid in the city you were taking and let him get away? Well you should have eaten him instead because now you're going to eat your own children anyway.
I'm sure someone is going to say that it wasn't literal. It was figurative or whatever. But that doesn't take away from the point that I'm just now finally getting around to making. None of this sounds like the work of an omnipotent, omniscient, omni-benevolent God. It sounds more like the work of a primitive leader trying to come up with ways to scare people into following his orders. In fact, all of it sounds like the work of a primitive leader or leaders just trying to come up with ways to deal with sickness and domestic disputes and whatever comes his/their way. The more I read the Bible the more I'm struck by how seriously people take it.
Anyway, that's pretty much it. Moses dies at the end of Deuteronomy. Sorry to ruin that for you but it's not very exciting. Besides, I hear the main character doesn't even show up until later on anyway so I didn't ruin much.
Up next: Joshua!
-Nikko
If you thought Deuteronomy was brutal, Joshua takes genocide and murder to a whole new level.
ReplyDeleteWait just an unholy minute, I thought it was Christians who accused Atheists of eating babies!? It was them ALL ALONG.
ReplyDelete"It sounds more like the work of a primitive leader trying to come up with ways to scare people into following his orders."
ReplyDeleteI think this is right on the money. Can't make people do what you want? Scare them into it. It's a brilliant tactic.
Deuteronomy 20:10-14 "When you draw near to a city to fight against it,(A) offer terms of peace to it. 11And if it responds to you peaceably and it opens to you, then all the people who are found in it shall do forced labor for you and shall serve you."
ReplyDeleteThis part is striking to me because didn't they JUST get out of slavery and think it is a terrible thing that no one else must suffer?
*Kristen*-- Fabulous thought!!! It WAS them all along. I can't believe it, oh wait... I do believe it, it's just another contradicted action/belief.
ReplyDelete@Matt - Well then I look forward to being shocked by it, too.
ReplyDelete@Kristen & @Lana - Just so we're clear, it's the people that don't follow God's law that will end up eating their children. The believers were off the hook. They only stoned their kids.
@Eric - It's oddly reminiscent of smear tactics in politics. "The other guy will let terrorists come in and kill us all! I'm the one you want to follow!"
@Zach - I think that the "others mustn't suffer as we once did" philosophy came later in the Hebrew faith. But I agree that it's certainly an odd/hypocritical stance for a people to take.