Tuesday, August 17, 2010

2 Samuel or not 2 Samuel

Book: 2 Samuel

Synopsis: In 2 Samuel we see the things David does as king of Israel. Both the good and the bad. David defeats various enemies of Israel = Good. David gets a woman pregnant while she's still married and then has the husband killed = Bad. David declares his hatred for the blind and the lame = (??????). At one point, David is overthrown as king by his son, Absalom. David fights his way back, but, despite David's orders to the contrary, Absalom is killed in the process. He mourns the death of his son but is told it looks bad to mourn the guy that kicked him out, so he stops mourning his son. Then David stops a rebellion, sings a song to God, takes a census of his people which makes God angry for reasons unclear to me, and, finally, he builds an altar to make up for it.

Most Famous Story from 2 Samuel: I'm really not sure.

My General Take: Probably the hardest book I've read so far if only because I struggled to find much to write about. It's a fairly straight forward account of David's reign as king. How it came to pass, what he did as king, and the general results of his actions. Though one story in particular stood out as absurd, most of the book is plausible save conversations with the Lord (which I've already addressed in previous posts and won't bother to attend to here). That is not to say I think it should be taken at face value. Plausibility of an account does not equal truth or fact. The events of "The Catcher in the Rye" are entirely plausible, but very few people would call that book an historical one. All plausibility gives us in 2 Samuel is a tedious reading. Of course, there are some moments that stand out, perhaps more so because they are plausible. For as good as David is usually portrayed (at least, in my experience) he does some pretty terrible things, too, but I hardly ever hear about those things. It makes it all the more shocking when you read about them yourself unprepared. Though one event in particular is paired with direct retribution by God, the others are mentioned without any clear moral lesson leaving me uncertain at the moment of just what a person is supposed to take from them. Other than that, 2 Samuel gives us a song supposedly written by David which makes it clear to me why it was important to consider Jesus to be descended from him. In it, David uses very poetic language about God that comes the closest the modern Christian rhetoric of anything I've read in the Bible so far.

More Specifically: 2 SM 1:6-10, 1:14-16 A messenger tells David that he saw Saul on Mount Gilboa about to be overtaken by Philistines. According to this messenger, Saul asked him to kill him and end his anguish. So, he did just that. David's response to this is to have the messenger executed. This despite the fact that we're told in 1 Samuel that Saul takes his own life. While this alone might be excusable on David's part since it could be said that the messenger lied and David did not know that (though one would wonder why the messenger would lie about something like that), David himself later says that he killed the messenger merely for bringing him the news of Saul's death. I fail to see how this can be considered good.

2 SM 1:26 I mentioned in the last post that there was another piece of evidence in regards to the ambiguous sexuality of David. Here it is. David considered Jonathan's love to be greater than the love of women. I still don't consider this conclusive by any means. It might simply be evidence of an ancient bromance. Either way, it's worth mentioning.

2 SM 5:8 David talks of his hatred for the blind and the lame. The reasons for which escape me. Though he later shows favor to Jonathan's crippled son, there is never a reversal of feeling towards the blind at all or to the lame in general. Other than that, his hatred for the blind and the lame isn't portrayed as either bad or good. It's just sort of there.

2 SM 8:2 David decides that certain people left over from his defeat of Moab should live or die based on, I'm assuming, their height. To me, not the greatest thing a person could do, nor can I imagine a justification for it.

2 SM 11:2-5, 11:14-17, 11:26-27 Here's the story of David's affair with a married woman, the subsequent pregnancy, the hit he calls out on her husband, and the aftermath. This is clearly a bad thing (the Lord kills his son over it) so all I wanted to say is it's hard to imagine a gay man killing another man for his wife (though, not impossible). Which means it might be a little more reasonable to consider David bisexual if you aren't going to consider him strictly heterosexual.

2 SM 12:13 It is told to David that the Lord has put away his sin (this is after the affair story above, mind you) and David shall not die. This is a little odd because **SPOILER ALERT** David does eventually die (in the next book).

I mentioned earlier a story in this book that I found absurd. As I debated the best way to talk about this story, I was struck with the idea to include images in this blog to make it pop a little. Also, I think it helps point out the absurdity. So, this story will be told in images I drew using MS Paint because I have absolutely no Photoshop skills. First, a little background. This story takes place during David's attempt to reclaim his kingdom from his son, Absalom, the current king. I really want to stress that Absalom is the current king. Ok, so here's what happens...

2 SM 18:9 Absalom gets his head stuck in an oak tree.
Help me!
The battle continues...
Uh...guys?
The battle rages...
2 SM 18:10 Someone sees this and informs Joab, the captain of David's army.
Uh-oh.
2 SM 18:14 Joab stabs Absalom in the heart with three spears.
1! 2! 3!
That is one determined army.
Aaahhh!! WTF!?
2 SM 18:15 Somehow, Absalom is still alive, so ten of Joab's men come and beat him up and that's what kills him.
Wow. Just...wow.
Worst. Army. Ever.
I'm sure someone will say these drawings aren't accurate or something like that, but I think they're ignoring the fact that the army let the king get stuck in an oak tree undefended and that he somehow survived three spears to the heart. That's pretty absurd.

Anyway, moving on...

2 SM 22:22-24 In David's song to the Lord, he says he was guiltless and never turned from his statutes, even though we all know full well that he did.

2 SM 22:29-31 Here's some of that modern Christian sounding language I mentioned. Especially when it is said that God is a shield for those that take refuge in him. Now, I can understand how people could hear that sort of rhetoric and become disenchanted with it when they see that bad things still happen to believers. Then, to counter this reaction, it could change into the refuge being found in the afterlife from a messiah. Just a thought.

That is all I have from 2 Samuel. If the opportunity shows itself, I'll do more drawings in future books and might even go back and add a few images to previous posts. I'll see everyone next time with 1 Kings.

-Nikko