Saturday, June 12, 2010

All New Judges Post (Now with extra Ruth at no additional charge!!)

I'm going to test out a more streamlined format with this post. If you have the time, let me know what you think.

Book: Judges

Synopsis: After Joshua dies, Israel goes through a series of different leaders (called "judges") in a cycle that goes roughly like this; the people worship other gods and do what they want, God gets pissed and allows enemies to oppress Israel, the people whine about it, and then God raises up a "judge" to drive out the oppressors. Rinse. And repeat.

Most Famous Story from Judges: Samson and Delilah (maybe other stories in Judges are "famous" but that's the one I'd say most people are familiar with)

My General Take: As with most of the Bible stories I've read so far, there may very well be some skeleton of truth in these tales. Exactly what shape that skeleton takes is debatable and could, to some degree, be answered with archaeological evidence. While I have heard it said that there is scant archaeological evidence to support a lot of these stories (not just the ones in Judges), I am not an expert on archaeology and would prefer to steer clear of those claims. So, going just by what I, in my completely non-expert capacity, get when I read Judges, I'd say it reads like a mixture of some true stories that have been embellished over time mixed with old fables meant to convey a moral message (though often what those morals could be seem to be up for grabs).

More Specific Thoughts/Comments/Hilarious Remarks: Though it comes as no surprise, I find it odd, to say the least, when people attribute events in the real world to the hand of God. I understand why it happens, but I see no need to invoke a supernatural agent for something that has a perfectly reasonable natural explanation. Throughout Judges, God is said to be the ultimate factor behind Israel's fall to outside enemies due to Israel ignoring God's laws (JDG 2:1-5, JDG 2:11-15, JDG 2:20-22, JDG 3:7-8, JDG 3:12-14, JDG 4:1-2, JDG 6:1, JDG 10:6-9, JDG 13:1). However, I see a more likely reason. Before Judges, Israel was nomadic, militaristic, and centralized which means they were essentially a large, disciplined army, always ready for battle, with no land that anyone would want to invade. As we enter Judges, Israel is no longer nomadic. They've started settling into areas and becoming more of a society than a military. And, perhaps most importantly, they've split up into their separate tribes, thinning out their numbers. Even if they didn't start worshiping other Gods, they created an atmosphere more conducive to invasion than before. Not to mention that we're again told part of Israel's failure to complete their conquests had to with more advanced armory in the hands of the enemy (here, too). Invoking an angry God as a reason for failure in a situation like this is A) an easy way to escape blaming yourself and B) a good way to scare people into following the rules.

JDG 3:22 Gross.

JDG 3:31 Shamgar saves Israel but I guess it wasn't a very cool story because that's all the coverage he gets.

JDG 4:4 A female leader. That's pretty cool. Though it would have been cooler if her name was Hilary because she shares some of the spotlight with a person named Barak.

JDG 4:21 Aaaahh!!!

JDG 6:36-40 It's things like this that make these stories sound like fables. Not because it's a miraculous event and I refuse to believe miraculous things can happen, but because the way the narration is structured. To be clear, I'm not saying that definitively makes it a fable. I'm just saying it makes it less credible in my eyes.

JDG 7:2 In my last post I satirically talked about Joshua wanting to send more men into a battle but then realized that would give people reason to think he just messed up by sending too few. Apparently I wasn't the only person that understood this concept.

JDG 7:7 Gideon goes to battle with 300 men. "This! Is! Israel!"

JDG 7:13-14 This is an odd situation. Gideon sneaks up on some enemy men and he just happens to overhear one of them telling another about a dream he had. The other man interprets this as a sign that Gideon is coming to get them. First, this sounds like a situation out of a fable. Second, it made me consider the idea that originally the story wasn't about a real person named Gideon but about a spirit or force of God, possibly named Gideon, and the story included this dream interpretation. As time went on it became more compelling to tell the story as though Gideon was a real person, and an Israeli at that, with a lifeline to God. To maintain the detail about the dream you just have Gideon go down and eavesdrop. I have no way of proving that this is the actual progression the story took overtime, nor should it be considered a legit theory. It's just an interesting option to entertain, and it works on other stories in the Bible as well.

JDG 11 The story of Jephthah. NonStampCollector of YouTube fame retells this story brilliantly and hilariously. Click here to see his spin on it. I'll just comment on two things, myself, from Jephthah.

JDG 11:24 Here we have reference to a God other than Yahweh as though the god actually exists. Note that the god is said to do something. Just another example of the presence of henotheism I've mentioned before.

JDG 11:39 I once got into a debate with a Christian about whether or not Jephthah actually does kill his daughter. The wording here seems to make it quite clear that he does.

JDG 16:4-22 The back and forth between Delilah and Samson over what will make him weak is pretty ridiculous. *cough* fable *cough cough*

JDG 19:22-24 This story, called "Gibeah's Crime," has remarkable similarities to the story of Sodom. Here's a comparison:
From Gibeah's Crime: "As they were making their hearts merry, behold, the men of the city, worthless fellows, surrounded the house, beating on the door. And they said to the old man, the master of the house, 'Bring out the man who came into your house, that we may know him.' And the man, the master of the house, went out to them and said to them, 'No, my brothers, do not act so wickedly; since this man has come into my house, do not do this vile thing. Behold, here are my virgin daughter and his concubine. Let me bring them out now. Violate them and do with them what seems good to you, but against this man do not do this outrageous thing.'"
From the story of Sodom: "But before they lay down, the men of the city, the men of Sodom, both young and old, all the people to the last man, surrounded the house. And they called to Lot, 'Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us, that we may know them.' Lot went out to the men at the entrance, shut the door after him, and said, 'I beg you, my brothers, do not act so wickedly. Behold, I have two daughters who have not known any man. Let me bring them out to you, and do to them as you please. Only do nothing to these men, for they have come under the shelter of my roof.'"
It could be just coincidence. It could be that they're both born of the same fable. It could be that one borrowed from the other. I can't say for sure one way or the other, but it is rather interesting.

JDG 19:29 F*ck!

JDG 20:40-42 This story of Israel defeating the Benjaminites has some similarities to part of the story of Joshua defeating Ai. Check it out:
From the defeat of the Benjaminites: "But when the signal began to rise out of the city in a column of smoke, the Benjaminites looked behind them, and behold, the whole of the city went up in smoke to heaven. Then the men of Israel turned, and the men of Benjamin were dismayed, for they saw that disaster was close upon them. Therefore they turned their backs before the men of Israel in the direction of the wilderness, but the battle overtook them. And those who came out of the cities were destroying them in their midst."

From the defeat of Ai: "So when the men of Ai looked back, behold, the smoke of the city went up to heaven, and they had no power to flee this way or that, for the people who fled to the wilderness turned back against the pursuers."
Admittedly, it's not as interesting as the Gibeah/Sodom similarities, but it's still worthy of note, I believe.

JDG 21 Here's a delightful story! After Israel defeated the Benjaminites they killed everyone in the city. Except 600 Benjaminites ran and hid. The problem is the Benjaminites are Israeli themselves and Israel can't bear to see one of their own tribes die out (well, unless it's by the sword). So now Israel has 600 Benjaminites with no wives and they've just gone and sworn not to give the Benjaminites their daughters. Crazy, huh? The Israelites can't figure out how this happened (here's a hint: you killed all their women). It all works out, though, because they end up killing all the inhabitants of Jabesh-gilead except for the virgin girls. And when that turns out to not be enough, they sanction kidnapping daughters of Shiloh because that way the men of Shiloh aren't actually giving them the daughters and so no rules are broken. I love loopholes that involve kidnapping!

And that's pretty much it for Judges.

***BONUS***

Book: Ruth

Synopsis: Ruth is the daughter-in-law of an Israeli woman but is not Israeli herself. After her husband, her husband's brother, and her father-in-law die, Ruth vows to stick with her mother-in-law and they travel to Bethlehem where her mother-in-law has family. Ruth captures the attention of Boaz, a relative of her dead father-in-law. Boaz is obliged by Levirate law to marry Ruth and redeem the family line. He does so after another relative, who Boaz says has first dibs, declines. And it turns out Ruth is the great-grandmother of David.

Most Famous Story from Ruth: Beats me.

My General Take: It's actually a decent story for what it is. Nothing really terrible happens outside of treating Ruth almost like she's property to be sold with land. Other than that I really don't have much to say about it.

My next post will cover the first Samuel book. If enough people tell me they like this streamlined format it'll be written like this but otherwise I'll just write it however or try a new format. So let me know!

-Nikko

Friday, June 4, 2010

Joshua Smash!

In the immortal words of Jim Anchower, "Hola, amigos. What say? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but your old pal Jim's been thicker than a donkey's dick with problems."

Hmmm... well, maybe not all of those words, but the point is I've slacked on the blog a bit these past seven few weeks and for that I am truly sorry. I plan to be much more dedicated to this project over the summer from here on out. One way or another, I will finish reading the Bible. I swear to science.

Ok, so the next book in the Bible is Joshua. It's from Joshua that we get the famous story of Jericho's walls coming down as well as the story of the sun standing still in the sky for a whole day.

For those of you that aren't in the know, Joshua was Moses' assistant. After Moses dies Joshua takes over control of Israel after God tells him to do so. From the way the book Joshua reads, the person Joshua must have been Moses' assistant in military related matters because Joshua spends virtually all his time kicking ass and taking names (no seriously, he actually takes names!) in a fairly successful effort to claim the land God promised Israel. He's absolutely ruthless about it. He leaves no stone unturned and no baby unstabbed. Then the land gets portioned out to the tribes of Israel and Joshua dies and that's pretty much it.

Of course, what kind of blog would this be if I didn't have something to say about the details?

JOSH 3:14-17 Joshua has his own mini-"parting of the Red Sea" involving the river Jordan. I had never heard this story before but as I read it all I could think was, "This sounds an awful lot like a river being dammed up by something rather than a divine miracle." Sure enough, a little Googling will show that a mudslide caused by an earthquake is often used as a natural explanation for the event by Christians and non-Christians alike. So, assuming that this story actually did happen, it's entirely possible that Joshua lucked out and simply attributed his good fortune to God (which didn't hurt to establish him as Moses' rightful replacement).

JOSH 6:21, 8:25, 10:28, 10:30, 10:32-33, 10:35, 10:37, 10:39-40, 11:11, 11:14 Joshua kills a ton of people. Probably literally and then some. Men, women, and children. I have nothing to say about that. I think it speaks for itself.

JOSH 7 & 8 After Joshua defeats Jericho he sends two spies to the land of Ai. The spies come back and inform Joshua that he need only send in two or three thousand men to attack Ai because it's sparsely populated. Joshua sends in 3,000. Except, by surprise, the men of Ai are able to fight them off. Joshua is torn up about this and can't figure out what went wrong. He looks to God and God tells Joshua that some jerk broke the law and kept some of the "devoted things" from Jericho and that's why God let Israel be defeated. God tells Joshua to get rid of the offender if Joshua wants the Lord's help killing people. Joshua finds the offender, named Achan, through what appears to be interrogations. Joshua kills Achan and his family (more on that later), attacks Ai again, and is victorious the second time around proving once and for all that God will help you if you follow his rules.

But... (and you knew there was a "but," right?) there's one thing that really bugs me about this story. On the second attack, Joshua not only sends in 30,000 men plus at least another 5,000, he also uses a different, and very effective, strategy. That doesn't prove the first defeat was due to God being bothered by Achan's petty theft. It proves Joshua f*cked up by sending too few men and learned his lesson. Achan was probably just some unfortunate scapegoat! I picture Joshua finding out that his first attempt failed and thinking,
"Oh my Yahweh! This is not good. I only just recently took this job. People are still comparing me to Moses, for Yahweh's future son's sake! Ugh! How could I be so stupid!? 3,000 men?! Joshua, you idiot! One lucky mudslide and you act like you own the world! Ok ok ok. Calm down. This isn't over. Think! ...well obviously I'm going to need to go back into Ai and completely f*ck their sh*t up! More men, this time. 30,000 at least. Maybe ambush them from behind while a small group draws them out the front. Yeah! That could work! Except...if I just go back in with more men, it'll look too much like I recognize my own mistake. People will start murmuring against me. I need someone to blame this on. But who? Huh...someone must have broken a law recently, there's so many of them! And that probably pissed Yahweh off. Oh!! Jericho! We were just in Jericho! Someone almost definitely took something he shouldn't have! I'll just pick a tribe and clan at random, start asking around, and I'm sure someone will start naming names. Chances are it'll be someone no one likes anyway or they wouldn't have ratted him out. It's perfect! The people get rid of an annoying neighbor, I look like a strong leader who's brilliant plan was foiled by some sinner, and then Ai gets what they deserve. Joshua, you're a genius!!"
That brings us to Achan. As I previously mentioned, Achan and his whole family were stoned to death and burned with fire for Achan's actions. Let's ignore the satirical inner monologue above and assume that the first defeat really was due to Achan's theft and that he deserved to be stoned to death for it. Does his family really deserve to die as well? As we saw in Deuteronomy, "Fathers shall not be put to death because of their children, nor shall children be put to death because of their fathers. Each one shall be put to death for his own sin." So, it would appear that, no, the family should not have been put to death as well. Unless my memory fails me, that's the most blatant case of contradiction I've seen so far.

JOSH 10:11 Joshua gets lucky with some natural phenomena again.

JOSH 10:12-14 This is the fairly famous moment where Joshua asks God to stop the sun in the sky for a day and God obliges. I wanted to bring this up because I have actually heard people say that NASA once ran some calculations with a computer in regards to the position of celestial bodies in our solar system and they found a missing day! This proves that the sun did in fact stop for an entire day! Well, let's see what NASA has to say about this:
"[NASA] does not apply its computers to the task of projecting thousands of years into the future or past, as this would be irrelevant to the operational lifetime of satellites, which rarely exceeds a dozen years."
Ta-da! Knowledge is power!

JOSH 11:20 God hardens some people's hearts again. Which is interesting to me because, as I've been told, he only does this to people that will never turn to him anyway. In which case, we shouldn't be sad for any non-Christians that die, right? It was part of God's plan.

JOSH 1:5 Jumping back a bit here, as long as Israel follows the law, no one will be able to stand in their way. The two battles with Ai are proof of that. So then, what's up with this? And this? And this? If it's due to sinning, why is a sinner not sought out as was done with Achan? And why then are we told, at least in one case, it had to do with Israel not yet being strong enough? Later it's says that not one of all their enemies had withstood them and that no man has been able to stand before them to this day. But obviously they had. That just doesn't make sense. I'm hoping someone has a logical explanation for this that doesn't involve saying the people Israel was unable to drive out weren't enemies after all, because that's too easy to say in hindsight.

That's all I have for Joshua. In the next post I'll cover both Judges and Ruth since Ruth is really short.

-Nikko